Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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