my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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