I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
