someone threw a dead crab at me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I want to fling myself into the sun
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
