woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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