To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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