Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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