How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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