THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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