I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
