It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
