We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
