I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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