you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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