Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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