I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize