see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
