i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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