I hate all girls vehemently.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
