apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize