You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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