you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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