you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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