Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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