I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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