what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
