It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
