the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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