I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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