just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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