i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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