Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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