her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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