remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
