First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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