i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I touched a dick in church today
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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