I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
