I feel great
I just peed on a car
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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