I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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