If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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