Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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