yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me I should be a condom model.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
