this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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