I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
