I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
