I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
