im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
