So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
