wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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