if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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