Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so let's talk penis.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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