This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
