If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
