Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
