I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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