you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
