i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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