The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
