Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
