Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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