I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
