he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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