I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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