I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
