I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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