actually, I'm a sock model
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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