..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
