the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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