I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
